The Hitman's Bodyguard Review - Interminable, Barren Comedy

The Black List is a collection of the best unproduced screenplays in Hollywood, featuring the likes of American Hustle and Spotlight to name a few. How The Hitman's Bodyguard managed to get onto that list when the script is the weakest aspect of the film is more than a little perplexing. The dialogue is reliant on excessive swearing and barely contains a decent joke. Profane prose can work well when it's creative (such as Ryan Reynold's Deadpool), but a simple "motherfucker" or twelve thrown around by Salma Hayek hardly constitutes creative writing. As for plot, the arcs and call backs are foreseeable (will Reynolds get back with his ex?!) and the villain is so pantomime it's a shock to see Gary Oldman waste his time as an extremely generic eastern-European dictator.

After a brilliant Bodyguard parody poster, it's a disappointment to see Reynolds and Samuel L Jackson set adrift with only their charisma to use as a paddle as they attempt to get back to shore. They nearly drown. The Odd Couple chemistry is fine, but when Jackson spends half of the run time cackling like a coke-fueled clown (the It review is en route), you'd want to be able to laugh as well. Only a bus full of nuns can create a slight smile. A lot of the film is po-faced action straight out of a lesser Neeson flick and and human rights subplot, and with such an emphasis on (occasionally slapstick) action, it's questionable whether or not it'd be better as a straight action.

The saving grace is Patrick Hughes' action direction, superior to his lacklustre Expendables 3. Here there are explosions, speedboats and motorbikes, with an exceptionally entertaining tracking scene of hand-to-hand kitchen/hardware shop carnage. It's effective, but the climax is tacked on excessively after the film's natural conclusion. When you have such a game cast with natural comedic ability, someone has to take the bullet for them. Screenwriter Tom O'Conner looks like a good candidate.

Nearly TWO STARS. No wonder we've recently had the worst box office weekend in 16 years when this was the quality on offer.