Nine Lives - Review

It took five screenwriters to create this. Not so much too many cooks spoiling the broth, but pissing in it and pinning you down as they pour it down your throat. Not one single gag lands, be it Kevin Spacey having to eat cat food or him using his ex-wife’s handbag as a litter tray.

The plot you ask? A business man (double OSCAR WINNER Spacey) is turned into a cat to treat his wife (GOLDEN GLOBE WINNER Jennifer Garner) and daughter better. It’s as woefully predictable as you’d expect. Why Barry Sonnenfeld chose to direct this, and why the stars opted in, can be explained by one dollar-sign shaped reason. Shame on us for letting it make $14 million more than its budget.

Spacey phones it in to a shameful degree, clearing delivering every snarky line channeling his inner distaste for the film and regret. But OSCAR WINNER Christopher Walken almost makes it watchable as a kooky pet shop owner. His name: Perkins. The pun: Purrkins.

Gwyn Lurie. Matt R. Allen. Caleb Wilson. Daniel Antoniazzi. Ben Shiffrin. Remember these names as you plan your Arya Stark styled list of vengeance. Or when predicting this year’s Razzie for worst screenplay.

TWO STARS. Not giving it one star feels like an act of charity, but the so-bad-it’s-good factor’s presence is undeniable.